New instructions for signing up!

So . . . Turns out that I needed a “widget!” My young techy gal has properly installed this mysterious thing and what do you know, the subscription button now appears in the upper right hand corner and when pressed it actually works! WordPress has changed a lot of things since I first learned how to manage the trumpetlungs blog posts so now I have both the old and the new blogs. The one thing I always hated about the old site is that ugly ads pop up, so the new Warmth For the Heart site is an “upgrade” and shouldn’t have any ads at all. (Let me know if you see any!) I’m on a learning curve, so thank you for your patience. I’m looking forward to reconnecting with many of you and am praying this new project will be an encouragement.

“Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful.”  (Psalms 116:5)

How to sign up for Warmth For the Heart

Now up and running!

It’s Coming Soon!

The loss of a life partner is difficult—no matter what brings about the loss. One way of losing a spouse is not easier than another—the fact is, it’s all difficult. There are differences in our circumstances and stories, but in the end, the severing of a one flesh relationship leaves every surviving spouse with the same tears of sorrow and same need for comfort.

We long for the warmth of God’s love and kindness as we chart a new course as
spouseless individuals seeking to follow Christ through the darkest valley of our lives. And that is what this new blog is all about. It is about keeping our focus centered on things that do not change, finding our strength and comfort in the promises of God’s Word and the faithful character of our God. It is about keeping our soul anchored and secure in the love of our Savior, knowing this life with all its sorrows is temporary and the life we are destined to inherit as God’s dear children is forever.

David said he would have fainted, or given up, if he had not believed that he would see good, not just in the life to come, but in this life on this earth, now. If we are to find purpose and joy in the aftermath of death, we need to be encouraged to look up, not within, to look forward, and not backward, to be thankful not angry. We need gentle nudging that will push us closer to our Lord so we will find comfort in His arms. There’s not a person or support group or book that is able to provide the depth of comfort or merciful kindness that our hearts long for. Only one thing is powerful enough to restore and comfort a broken heart. The answer can be found in passages like these.

“THIS IS MY COMFORT IN MY AFFLICTION: FOR THY WORD HATH QUICKENED ME.” (PSALMS 119:50)

The word “quicken,” found in the King James Bible, means to “revive, make alive or restore to a flourishing condition.” It is the precious truths of God’s Word that revives hope in our hearts and restores our joy! He (Jesus) heals the broken in heart, and binds up our wounds, according to Psalms 147:3. We read, “He sent his word, and healed them . . .” (Psalms 107:20) God’s Word, understood, believed and practiced, is powerful medicine that has the ability to heal wounded hearts!

LET, I PRAY THEE, THY MERCIFUL KINDNESS BE FOR MY COMFORT, ACCORDING TO THY WORD UNTO THY SERVANT. (PSALMS 119:76)

Anniversary thoughts

All but the past two and a half years of my adult life have been spent as the wife of Tom Pryde! We were married just a few weeks before my 19^th birthday. Celebrating a lifetime of wedding anniversaries insures you remember the date, so today, as always, I remember the precious years God gave us together as husband and wife and thank Him for the gift of a godly, loving companion. I am not less thankful because Tom is now in Heaven—rather, I am more thankful. I’m thankful for the years of growing together, serving the Lord together, raising kids together and going through life’s trials together. The laughter, tender moments, conversations, and shared experiences have largely shaped who I am today. I have a treasure chest full of sweet memories. How could I be anything but grateful? 

Ah, but you might say, “It couldn’t have been perfect! Aren’t you forgetting all the messy moments?” I chuckle at the thought. Yes, of course, I AM forgetting—on purpose! When two sinners marry, you can be sure two sinners will sin. That’s a given! It doesn’t take two perfect people to make a happy marriage—it takes two imperfect people who are willing to forgive and overlook fault to make a happy marriage. But I will tell you about one of the worst moments of my married life. It happened on our very first wedding anniversary together. Tom forgot our special day and I cried to my grandmother. Her reply? She said, “Well, did you remind him?” I sniffled, “No, I’m not supposed to.” “Says who?” My wise grandmother replied. “I always remind grampa. Sometimes more than once. And he always remembers.” Problem solved. Every anniversary after that bit of advice, I always found a way to remind my sweet young husband, and sure enough. He never forgot! 

No, neither Tom nor I were perfect, but we were perfect for each other. And I am over the moon grateful for all those wonderful years of growing in grace that, even now, bring me joy. Yes, I miss him greatly and that brings tears, but no, I’m not spending the day in mourning. I’m spending the day rejoicing. 

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)

Tom’s Beloved Dog Passed Away Today

I had to say good-by to a little part of Tom today. I keep telling myself, “It’s just a dog, Debi.” But my heart replies, “Yes, but Hugo was a very special dog that brought much joy and laughter throughout Tom’s illness, and has been my companion for these two years since Tom’s Heaven going.” Then reason cuts in and says, “You know that dogs do not have an eternal soul and you knew Hugo was sick.” Ah, but my heart replies, “Knowing a dog or a human is sick doesn’t lessen the sense of loss when they are gone from this world.”  And reason quickly responds, “But Hugo wasn’t a human and his loss is nothing compared to the loss of an immortal soul who will live forever. Besides, it’s silly to get sentimental over an animal that has simply ceased to exist.” “But don’t forget,” heart replies, “God takes note of a little sparrow that falls to the ground. One must not think for a minute that He would let a smart and loving German Shepherd die unnoticed. If He cares about sparrows that don’t have a name, surely He cares about dogs that have served their masters well and fulfilled their life calling. And don’t forget, He also cares when His own dear children go through any sorrow or disappointment.”  Well,” says reason, “Maybe so, but dogs don’t go to Heaven, so get a grip, girl. You have a lot to do this week.” Heart quietly smiles and whispers, “It’s true that dogs are not immortal and are as beasts that perish, and true as well that they are not God’s children–but it’s also true that there is nothing impossible to our God, and it could be that our loving Heavenly Father said, “Hugo, your work on earth is done, but I think Tom would enjoy having you up here, so, Gabriel, let’s surprise Tom with his beloved dog. Hugo was a little piece of Tom on earth, but he’ll be a little piece of Debi in Heaven.”

Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. (Matthew 10:29)

Closing Post

Trumpetlungs is a blog that has followed my husband Tom’s IPF lung disease, lung transplant and its subsequent complications from 2012 until his death in January, 2018. It is the public record of our journey through sickness and terminal illness with all its ups and downs and wild curves. For the past 20 months since Tom’s death, I’ve posted updates centering around my own personal journey through early widowhood, primarily to keep loved ones updated.  

I have loved the encouraging email responses and been strengthened so many times by the love and kindness of others who have cared and prayed. As I write this last post on trumpetlungs, I do so with a twinge of sadness, as it is the end of a connection that has been precious. I will always deeply appreciate the support that has been freely extended by trumpetlungs readers!

I am definitely turning a page in my life as I adjust to living as a widow and single woman. I have no earth shattering plans to announce, only a focus on the future and a desire to use the remainder of my life in ways that glorify the God I love, just as Tom and I did during our life together. I plan to continue traveling as long as I am able, teaching, speaking, and encouraging Christian women. I’m beginning to get back into “writing mode” with improved concentration and sparks of writing desire, so that’s in my agenda as well. The biggest announcement is that we are in the process of redoing my website, which includes a “newsy” section for brief updates, among other things.  There will be a connected website for WCW students as well as a Facebook page that is being developed now.  You can look at what we are doing by going to my website at http://www.debipryde.com. The website isn’t quite done, but enough is there that you will get the idea!

I am happy to answer questions by email regarding Tom’s illness and transplant, so although I don’t plan to continue posting on this blog, I will still respond to private inquiries.  

Thank you once again for your love and support! I love you all!

The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee. Sing praises to the LORD, which dwelleth in Zion: declare among the people his doings.  (Psalm 9:9-11)

Long Overdue Update!

I’m on a plane headed home and REALLY looking forward to climbing into my own bed! I’ve spent the past hour listening to music, flipping through pictures on my iPad and thinking about Tom, as our anniversary is coming up August 1. I miss his warm and happy welcome home, and his keen interest in all that was accomplished on the trip. He’s sent me off to speak countless times with earnest prayer and heartfelt support, then upon my arrivals home, praised the Lord with me for all the Lord accomplished. I cherish that support I enjoyed for so many years more than ever. I am so very thankful for the years God gave me with such a wonderful companion and sweet husband.

Forever young! (In Heaven!)

Our lives are a story being written. Each new day adds a page, and every major change begins a new chapter. Since Tom’s death a year and a half ago, I have often wanted to revisit happy chapters of the past and linger in the joy they provide, rather than turn the page and begin a new chapter of my life. The familiarity of pages past is comforting, while the anticipation of pages ahead seems rather daunting without the lead character in my story. I’ve concluded that’s only because I know how previous chapters ended, and can review the amazing ways all the twists and turns and cliff hangers of life have been woven into a wonderful story.  

Looking ahead, I have no idea how life’s subsequent chapters will unfold. But this much I do know… The Author of eternal life is our Heavenly Father, and everything He does is good. Its because of Him that I, or anyone who is beginning a new chapter in life, can rest in His shepherding care and say, “Because He lives I can face tomorrow.” Though we can’t peek and read the last page of our finished life story, we can know that the  Author and Finisher of our life story is at work, and we have His promise that the finished book has a glorious ending, as well as a breathtaking sequel! (Hebrews 12:2; ) Though widowhood wasn’t in my script, I’m content with the fact that it is obviously in His script.

Many have asked how I’m doing and what I’ve been  doing. In answer to the first question, I am getting along fine and finding the Lord faithful in comforting, strengthening, guiding, and providing for me. Adjusting to single life after 48 years of marriage is difficult, as you might imagine, but keeping my life full of worthwhile activity has helped immensely. I still have a hard time concentrating when I sit still very long. I haven’t yet found a comfortable stride with activity, so I’m working at that thing called “balance.”  And Sundays are still the toughest day for me. I suspect I have a ways to go before widowhood seems a “normal” kind of life. 

I continue to do best if I limit emotionally intense things, so I’m not yet taking on an abundance of counseling. I’m gradually doing more, but in the meantime, I’m finding that mentoring younger gals who are counseling has been especially enjoyable. I absolutely love the Sunday school class of ladies that I get to teach every Sunday morning, and I always look forward to the traveling and speaking opportunities the Lord gives. I consider it one of the greatest privileges of my life to partner in ministry with some of the most amazing Christian women the world has never known! 

On the contemplative side, I’m grieved when I hear many widows I meet talk about being angry with God. This is troubling because I know that this destroys the sweetness of simple trust, and the comforting confidence we are able to enjoy when we rest in the loving character of our God. I do not believe anger is a helpful or a necessary part of grief. How in the world can one so loved and cared for as a child of God be angry simply because he has not received what is preferred? Job expressed this thought well when he told his angry wife that she was speaking as a foolish woman. We gladly receive desirable things from the Lord—shouldn’t we also accept from a gracious God’s hand adverse things we don’t yet understand?

As for what I’ve been “up to” the past several months…  I’ve been traveling pretty much non-stop, doing ladies’ counseling seminars, retreats and special events. I have criss crossed the country several times with my fellow widowed cousin, Marilyn, which has been quite fun.  We’ve been reliving our childhood and shamelessly giggling like a couple school girls. When two old ladies start singing “No more monkeys jumping on the bed,” it can get pretty crazy. 

A highlight of my spring was a trip to the Philippines where I did a retreat and conference in Manilla and stayed with my good friend, Dr. Ina Bunyi. As always, we shared lots of laughter as we made new memories and served the Lord together.

In between travels I enjoyed an infamous “13 trip” with youngest grandson, Stephen. Its been a tradition in our family to have each grandchild visit us in California for 13 days of exciting activities in celebration of their thirteenth birthday. Stephen and I had a wonderful time and shared some pretty crazy moments. Ziplined for the first time in my life! Can’t say I would do it again, but it was definitely exciting.  I enjoyed out special evening out for dinner the most!

Coming home to a rose garden in full bloom was glorious, and is always immensely relaxing. Sat on the patio so many times thanking the Lord repeatedly for the good friends who labored to get the garden pruned in January so there would be flowers in spring. It’s always a pleasure to return home, welcomed by a happy dog and a beautiful garden. 

I am presently on a flight coming home after a missionary conference and a crazy cross country trip with my good friend, Ann, in a truck carrying books and an old jeep belonging to our busy pastor son in Michigan. A highlight of our trip was a visit with mutual friend, Robin, in Colorado. Arriving in  Michigan was exciting, not just because Ann and I could drop off the truck, but I got to be with our son, his sweet wife, and our “perfect” grandchildren for a short visit and grand tour of their lovely church. 

What a joy to hear about all the Lord is doing through that ministry in rural Michigan! Couldn’t be more thankful for our son’s leadership and faithfulness to carefully preach the Word of God with enthusiasm and love for people. His dad and granddads are no doubt filled with joy even from Heaven. No doubt they are  “Pastor Tom’s” best cheer leaders! And are as happy as he is with more books in his shelves!

The flight attendants are getting things ready for landing and I hear the familiar pilot voice thanking us for choosing Southwest and giving us the weather in Ontario, California. Now that is sweet in my ears! No rain, clear skies, warm but not hot—ahhhhhhhhhh. The lights of home are in view! I am truly a blessed woman.

P.S. Wrote this a few weeks ago. Its a bit rambling, but decided to go ahead and post it “as is” on trumpetlungs. This will be one of the last posts on this blog site, though I will leave it up as long as permitted. I will be turning a “new page” and beginning a new chapter with a new website, which should be up sometime this month, Lord willing. 

“Let thy mercy, O LORD, be upon us, according as we hope in thee.”  Psalms 33:22

 

Catching Up . . . Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and the Anniversary of Tom’s Death

Colosseum in Rome

It has been several months since I posted an update. This has generated lots of emails asking how I’m doing, what I’m doing, if everything is ok, if I am adjusting to life without Tom, etc. Actually, I’ve started several posts since last fall, but they have stayed on my iPad, unfinished, for one reason or another. The ramblings of an “elderly” widow seem a bit on the boring side. (Women my age have trouble remembering simple words, like… uhhhhh…ummm.) However, as a friend pointed out, it might be more interesting than watching grass grow, or reading about the latest political scandal. Not sure if that was meant to inspire me, but here’s an update along with some thoughts on widowhood and special days that I’ve pulled from unsent posts over the past six months.

In a nutshell, I’ve kept VERY busy, which has been helpful for me, but probably a tad overdone.  At the moment, I am on a plane over the Atlantic, returning home after almost three weeks in Belgium, teaching counseling classes, doing a retreat, and visiting with missionary friends. There were so many highlights (like a quick one day side trip to Rome to see the colosseum, forum, Mamertine prison, catacombs and the ancient Apian way.) As fun as that was, I think one of the most exciting moments I had in Europe was being given a copy of our “Parenting With Wisdom” workbook that was translated into French by missionaries and nationals interested in helping young French speaking mamas in Europe! I am especially excited about opportunities that it’s giving, not only to introduce women to Biblical parenting, but to introduce unbelievers to our Savior and only Perfect Parent!

Running in high gear has pretty much been my daily life lately. My speaking schedule through last fall bordered on insane. I have plans to slow down (eventually) but I do enjoy keeping my attention on something of greater importance than my grief. I enjoy the ministry the Lord has given to me and am so thankful for the wonderful opportunities I’ve had to spend time with some amazing women who love and serve the Lord.  

Christian camaraderie and teamwork is a powerful thing! I highly recommend it as a way of life, and it’s especially comforting if you are dealing with sadness. I cherish time alone, evenings lost in a good book, and quiet early mornings with my Bible and a cup of coffee, but even the most private of humans were designed to live in community and are happy when doing so. I’m always quite concerned when those I disciple react to loss and grief by withdrawing far more than is healthy. I do understand the fragile emotional overload that accompanies a major loss, and hence the need to unplug and replenish emotional reserves more frequently. However, it’s never wise to leave electronics plugged in when they are fully charged and ready for service. It is good to use the energy you have, even if its quickly drained, and then recharge. Which is what I’m going to do when I get home.

This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened (energized) me. (Psalms 119:50)

Thanksgiving

I’ve met women who have lost a loved one and then struggled with holiday grief. Holidays that held special meaning and happiness for many years suddenly bring more tears than joys. Yep, I get it. Deeply cherished memories and a longing to go back in time can make holiday celebrations a bit of a challenge. So, knowing my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without Tom would likely be hard for me as well, I decided to be proactive and develop a plan ahead of time. Here’s my report, what I would repeat next time around, and what I would not.

Shortly after Tom passed away I began thinking about planning a trip to Israel, but when I learned our church was organizing a trip leaving Thanksgiving day, I thought about it no more. I signed up. In my mind it seemed perfect to simply skip thanksgiving. I was actually surprised that the day couldn’t be ignored that easy, and I began fighting tears from the moment the day began. 

Yes, it was quite busy, loading up to go to the airport, boarding a plane, greeting friends. And the prospect of seeing Israel was truly exciting. (Had a fabulous trip.) But I was also painfully aware I was alone, without my husband and absent from a family centered day of thanksgiving for God’s abundant blessings to our family. I thought about our kids and grandkids, and the many Thanksgiving dinner celebrations over the years that began with a corporate prayer of thanksgiving led by one of our grandfathers, dads, uncles or Tom. Thanksgiving for the Pryde family has always been a sweet time when prayer throughout the day begins and ends with “we” not “I”, no matter what family was or wasn’t present that year. 

Being away from family on Thanksgiving made me miss Tom more, not less. I wouldn’t recommend my “just skip the holiday” approach. Better to stick with old family traditions, whatever they are, as much as possible, and spend the day with loving family members. Better to cry with loved ones than cry all over friends, as sweet as they may be. 

The apostle James asked, “Is any merry? let him sing psalms.” And then, “Is any among you afflicted (suffering)? Let him pray.” (James 5:13) Cant think of a better balm for the wounded heart than prayer—both corporate and private. Prayer and family just makes it that much sweeter. 

Therefore the redeemed of the Lord shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away. (Isaiah 51:11)

Christmas 

Christmas went a lot better! I traveled to Hawaii on Christmas Eve to be with Michelle, Lee, and three of our perfect grandchildren in their home.  Loved just being in the presence of sweet, happy children. Would highly recommend it. I hadn’t planned on doing Christmas decorations since I was leaving, but that brought some holiday sadness. I quickly changed course and decided to buy a tree and decorate my house for the family who would be staying in my home in order to care for my big fur buddy, Hugo, while I was away. Buying presents and making our home look special for someone else gave me great joy. After all, Christmas is about giving and loving. As recipients of Christ’s gift, we have reasons to rejoice evermore, not weep evermore.

It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, and to sing praises unto thy name, O most High: To shew forth thy lovingkindness in the morning, and thy faithfulness every night, (Psalms 92:1-2)

A New Year, and a New Direction

When I began a ladies Bible study in my home over thirty years ago I pondered my purpose for it. As Tom put it, “You need a mission statement. What do you want to accomplish? What are you asking God to do in the lives of those you teach? What is your Biblical rational for what you teach?” Needless to say, Tom was very influential in helping me chart a course of action and develop principles of teaching and counseling women in future years. Always, our discussions revolved around, “What does the Bible say?” 

Several passages gave me direction for ministry and writing Bible lessons for women. I knew I did not want to simply entertain the Christian women who came, nor did I have any desire to be a  Christian feminist or female preacher. When God said in Micah that it was He who “gave Israel Moses, Aaron and Miriam,” it wasn’t so Miriam could share equal authority with Moses (her downfall), but to be a teacher of good things in the way Paul described in Titus 2. 

Early on, I took as my life verse Proverbs 22:19-21, but looking back, aside from this pivotal passage, I would have to say 1 Corinthians 14:3 & 12 is probably the most powerful motivator for what I do as ministry.  It is what I cling to even now as I face the future without Tom’s enduring presence, encouragement and guidance. “But he that prophesieth (teaches), speaketh unto men to edification, and exhortation, and comfort. . . Even so ye, forasmuch as ye are zealous of spiritual gifts, seek that ye may excel to the edifying of the church.” 

My goal, quite simply, is to build up (edify) urge forward (exhort) spiritually, and provide Bible based comfort that strengthens and energizes the hearts of women. I know that women who are excited about their own personal walk with the Lord find great joy, and also become better wives and mothers, friends, co-workers, and church members. So, as I look forward and begin a new, and perhaps closing chapter of my life, that same “mission” statement is forefront in my mind on this New Years eve. Tonight I remember the words to my grandfathers favorite hymn. “Work for the night is coming when man’s work is done.” And I recall that research claiming we hit our cognitive peak between the ages of 40 and 68. If true, I only have one good year left to work before it’s all downhill!

So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. (Psalms 90:12)

January 14 – The Anniversary of Tom’s Home Going

So many kind people expressed their love on January 14th, remembering the anniversary of Tom’s exit from earth and entrance into God’s glory and presence.  I so appreciated such thoughtfulness and love. It deeply touched my heart.

Several folks asked me how I was remembering the day. Well, to be honest, I made absolutely no special plans for the day, and it was quite intentional. I was busy pruning roses with a friend and preparing for a conference. Everyone is different, and my approach isn’t for everyone, but I do not want the day of Tom’s death to be relived every year. Therefore, I do not wish to grieve at his grave on that day and I am definitely not the kind of person who would enjoy releasing birds or balloons or decorating the gravesite with flowers or writing gut wrenching letters to Tom that he will not receive. I know these things would not honor Tom, nor would they serve a good purpose, or heal my broken heart. I have no interest in mourning with songs or picture albums or anything that only serves as a catalyst in making January 14 fixed in my mind as a day of deep sorrow. 

Now don’t get me wrong. I want to set apart a special day of remembering and thanking God for Tom’s life. I just don’t want it to be January 14. That was and always will be a very sad day in this life. In Heaven there was great celebration on January 14–no doubt it was a fabulous day for Tom and I rejoice at the thought! The day of our death is called precious to God, and indeed it is. But I wasn’t in Heaven enjoying Toms grand entrance. I was here on earth, dealing with the pangs of a sudden separation from my beloved husband and waves of grief that took my breath away.

.No, January 14, the day of Tom’s death, is not a good day for me to relive. I will choose, instead, to celebrate Tom’s life on his birthday, June 15, rather than his death on January 14. Tom’s birthday is associated in my mind with an abundance of happy memories. When I think of Toms birthday I see him smiling and laughing. This is not what I think of when remembering the day of his death. So, I would rather laugh, and cry, on June 15. I can look forward to celebrating Tom on that day, but making much of the day he died only reinforces something I would prefer to minimize, so as not to make it a yearly day of dread. In my opinion, its better for those who grieve to remember life, not death.

Yet the Lord will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life. (Psalms 42:8)

What lies ahead?

I’m excited about my new website that will be ready by summer, book projects that are underway, a variety of speaking opportunities, an upcoming trip to the Philippines, my new Sunday school series for TLC,  visits with grandchildren coming to California, traveling with my crazy cousin, and the roses blooming in spring! I can’t wait to eat some of the Belgian chocolate I’m carrying home, together with a great cup of exotic coffee sent by a friend! It’s always good to snuggle up in a cozy blanket in my own soft chair in my own home with coffee and chocolate. Looking forward to being there. Dog kisses and sunshine await me! 

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; (2 Corinthians 4:17)

Missing: One Half of Me!

Just before Tom and I married, someone told us, “the best thing about getting married is that you don’t say goodbye every night before you part. Instead you say, “goodnight.” We embraced that thought with joy, and from the start, loved the flow of married life and the companionship that blended our lives into one. Words like, “ours, us, and we” came naturally.  

For almost fifty years, we faced each day and each challenge together as a couple. It wasn’t his friends and her friends. It was our friends. It was our home, our money, our car, our vacations, our hopes and dreams. When Tom became ill, it was our problem, not just his. Having known each other from childhood and having been married so many years, it seemed like our lives had always been intertwined like this. And though Tom’s illness prepared me with the knowledge that there would be a sad goodbye someday, I could never have imagined or prepared for the profound sense of loneliness that would accompany losing “the other half of me.” 

It has been almost a year since tom left, but i sense I am still a long way from being comfortable with a solo life. As i write this, I am enjoying a fabulous trip to the holy land with dear people that I love. I am sitting on the bus coming back to Jerusalem after visiting Masada, marveling at the scenery, recalling the thousands of theology discussions I enjoyed with tom over the years, imagining what this amazing land must have looked like 2,000 years ago. But there is an empty seat next to me, and it is all I can do to fight back tears and embrace this strange new life of “I, my, and me.” I long for the familiar comfort of “us” and “we.” Time to encourage myself in the Lord!

Yes, it comforts me to know I will see Tom again and that he would be thrilled to know that I finally got to Israel. It comforts me immensely that I can pour my heart out to the Lord and talk over my thoughts and questions with Him 24/7. But this does not make adjusting to life without a partner an easy undertaking, nor does it spare me the process of reorienting one’s daily life. There is a vast difference in the way couples do life as opposed to the way singles live it, and the switch is difficult any way you want to slice it. God does not remove the process from His children–but He does walk with us through it.

I understand the temptation for some widows to withdraw and stop living life to its fullest, especially when one has enjoyed a long and happy marriage with a loving spouse who was a delightful companion in every way. It’s easy to let thoughts stray back to sweet memories of happy times when it was “we” not “I.”  But I don’t believe withdrawing or daydreaming about the past is the answer, or the path to a healthy, God honoring adjustment. Life doesn’t stand still, nor does one’s earthly work end when the other half of you dies. Our God has called us to endure difficulties and to continue walking with Him and serving in whatever circumstance of life we are in.

The road to adjustment might be paved with tears, but it doesn’t need to be a road we walk alone with no resources, encouragement or love. (It’s typically when we miss being loved and cherished that emotions become most fragile.) God has many provisions for grieving hearts that are readily available, but on His terms, not ours. We start by accepting the life that God has given to us, even if it isn’t the life story we would have chosen for ourselves. Then we remember that the Christian life is not a solitary life but a life of “we” and “us.” Consider Paul’s closing words and prayer for suffering believers found in 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17. Notice the comforting words “our” and “us.”

“Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace, Comfort your hearts, and stablish you in every good word and work.”

The Lord Jesus Christ is OUR Savior, and His Father is OUR God and Father. Paul wants us to remember that Christ not only demonstrated His great love for us at Calvary, but loves us in the present with an everlasting love. It is out of this amazing outpouring of love that He gives us everlasting consolation and hope that is through His grace, apart from any goodness or merit of our own. This said, Paul then made a request—that our God, who is the very essence of love, comfort our hearts. What precious words! Yet we must not overlook the last request—that He would establish us in every good word and work. 

There is work for us to do, and it is a work that not only yields eternal benefits, but provides fellowship and the kind of camaraderie that soothes broken hearts. Meaningful work is good! Our Father has given us the privilege of being co-laborers together with Him as He builds His kingdom, one soul at a time. Withdrawing from life causes people to stop building, growing and serving. And that stops the flow of joy that is ours when we yield our lives to Christ and carry on.

I love the book of Nehemiah where we read how the people of God rebuilt the walls around Jerusalem and had a “mind to work.” Such great illustrations of teamwork, leadership and victory are found in the stories of Ezra and Nehemiah! But I especially love the account of Shallum’s daughters who joined their father in repairing their assigned place on the wall. These were not prissy girls who sat around lamenting their single status—they got busy building and God noted it! There’s a place “on the wall” that is our place to build, single or married, old or young. We, like Shallum’s daughters, are exactly the right age and in exactly the right circumstances to do exactly what God wants us to do. (Nehemiah 3:12)

This week, I gazed on the towering ancient walls around old Jerusalem and thought about Nehemiah, Shallum’s daughters and the glorious prophesies concerning Jerusalem’s future. It led me to ponder the work God has so graciously given to me and how helpful it has been to keep busy doing worthwhile things. I’m ready to get back home and back to work!  

For God will save Zion, and will build the cities of Judah: that they may dwell there, and have it in possession. The seed also of his servants shall inherit it: and they that love his name shall dwell therein. (Psalm 69:35-36)